Today’s parents owe it to their daughters to raise them differently. This is not the time to raise girls for marriage only. This is not the time to tell girls to lose who they are so that they can attract men to marry them. That is rubbish.
This issue of raising girls to do everything humanly possible to get a man to marry is what has kept many women in dysfunctional and abusive relationships. This is why many women with bright futures have destroyed who they are supposed to be trying to keep wicked and irresponsible men.
This societal conditioning of raising girls for marriage is the reason many ladies are going to the extreme to trap men for marriage just to escape societal pressure. Ladies who are being hounded about getting marriage and escaping menopause do the unimaginable just to get married.
The sad thing is that some good men are at the receiving end of these spiritual activities. You can imagine eating food laced with different spiritual ingredients because one lady wants to get married at all costs. I pity men who claim that it is not our culture for a man to cook. You guys have been consuming bloody dishes for decades so that women can keep you in their lives and you don’t know it. What a shame!
The stories I read recently about ladies visiting spiritual houses, waiting for full moon to do incantations so that the men they fancy can fall in love with them and marry them made me sad. One lady said she cooked with menstrual blood just to get a guy to fall in love with her and when he did, she got bored with him and undid the charm.
Last weekend, Twitter was set ablaze when some ladies narrated how they trapped men. A twitter user asked some ladies to send their stories if they have ever used charm to capture men. The number of stories she got almost broke the internet.
When we talk about serious issues affecting women and girls, you tell us to keep quiet. You remind us that it is a man’s world and women are the cause of the problems they are facing in this society.
When we condemn rape and sexual assault, you make excuses for these crimes by blaming victims. You don’t say anything about men who behave like animals. You excuse their behavior.
You ask what a victim was wearing when she was raped. You ask why a lady visited a guy if she doesn’t want sex. You make fun of victims by labeling them prostitutes.
You claim there’s nothing like marital rape because as long as a man paid bride price, his wife’s body belongs to him and he can do whatever he wants with it.
You say women are inferior to men because men have penis and can stand to pee while women squat to pee. I don’t understand the relevance of this to treating another human being with respect.
When we say women should be educated, get jobs and be successful in their careers, you claim we are teaching women how to be unsubmissive and rub shoulders with men.
When we say women should go into relationships with their heads and brains intact and not try to keep unwilling and irresponsible men, you claim we are teaching women how to be bitter single women.
When we condemn domestic violence and the needless deaths of women at the hands of men who should love and care for them, you tell us that those women deserved it because of their sharp mouths.
When we talk about married men writing wills and making their wives their next of kin, you tell us that we are teaching women how to kill their husbands so that they can use their money to run off with their lovers.
When we talk about why it is important to teach the girl child to aspire to be the best without living their lives waiting to be rescued by men and marriage, you say we are teaching girls how to hate men and become lesbians.
When we tell young ladies that there’s more to life than struggling to be loved and accepted by men even if it means them losing their dreams and who they are, you tell us that we are fighting against God’s plan. You say women were created to be married only and they don’t have to make a name for themselves.
When we say that cooking is not gender-specific but a life skill that both men and women should acquire, you scream at us to shut up. You claim it is not our culture for men to go to the market to buy food stuffs and to cook.
Now, it has come out in the open that some women are going to the extreme to trap men and keep them by their sides and you expect women to wail about this.
The reality is that this cooking with bloody thing and spiritual ingredients didn’t start today. Let’s stop lying to ourselves. It has been happening for decades and will continue as long as this society continues to present men as prizes to be won by women.
Dear parents, the worst thing you can do to your daughters is to raise them to be financially dependent on men and waste their lives putting up performances so that men can notice them and marry them.
Stop raising girls who will marry rich husbands. Raise hardworking girls who will be rich, successful and build businesses that will stand the test of time.
There’s no sense in paying heavy school fees today only for your girls to be wasting away in miserable marriages instead of taking their places at the top in their chosen careers and businesses they love.
Your daughters should be rich and successful. Your girls should have cars and build houses. They shouldn’t be financially limited because of their gender.
They shouldn’t be taught that it will make them fulfilled to be wives of rich men. These girls shouldn’t be hounded to give up their own means of making money just to please husbands. That’s hogwash.
Girls shouldn’t be taught that their dreams of being successful should be buried for their men. Stop telling them that giving up their desire to be successful means they will be submissive and virtuous women.
Girls should be taught how to be financially and emotionally sound to stand on their own. Girls should know how to count money. They should know how to make financial decisions.
Stop telling your girls that boys are meant to make money while their duty is to cook, clean, get pregnant, have children and build their homes. Is that the only thing they came to this world to do?
This patriarchal society is not kind to financially dependent women. A woman without her own money will put up with many unpalatable situations just to survive. Stop raising girls who don’t know anything about money, investments and businesses. Raise financially empowered daughters. They will make you proud. They won’t be running from one native doctor’s shrine to another prophet’s house just to charm men for marriage.
Today’s girls should know that making money and being rich is not gender-selective. They should be aware of their ability to make money whether they are married or not. They should know that marriage doesn’t define who they are. It is important that today’s parents teach their daughters to aspire to be rich women more than they aspire to be rich men’s wives. This is what drives some ladies to start cooking bloody meals just to get men to marry them.
There’s nothing wrong with teaching your daughters to make their own money and be rich to buy expensive gifts for themselves. They are human beings first who should live good lives irrespective of their gender.
Re: Habits that kill romance in relationships
Kate, your seven-point revelations are right on point and it also gave unmistaken antidote to killer of lasting romantic relationships. Your insightful piece equally enlightens those who limit romance to the early days of relationship. Strictly speaking, both partners share responsibility to keep the romance flame alive in their life long marital journey by consciously avoiding those killer attitudes outlined in your write up. May you receive more inspiration to educate us better!
-Pst. Stephen, Abuja
Romance is the element of surprise in a healthy relationship. I think most couples allowed themselves to be drowned by the challenges of life to the extent that they forgot what attracted them to one another in the first place.
Pride is also a romance killer. How can a sensible person feel too big to take steps and do things that will make the most important person in their lives feel happy and wanted? Yet such person will reserve a smile for that neighbour or church member.
I don’t think being married and the decision to stay in it should take anything away. I am tempted to ask why do friends of same sex stay close for a lifetime. The interest and mutual respect that brought them together is being sustained.
Women are different from men no doubt. But we have at our disposal great literary works that give us insight into the mindset and thinking of our partners if we truly appreciate them.
Some of the habits that kill romance have actually made married couples to fall for office romance.This is a huge factor that has broken so many marriages. Marriage is good and desirable. Nothing should be spared to save it. Continue with the good work.
I have to tell you that you are a pretender. You know that the only language women understand is money. If men like, let them do all the onyinbo things you outlined in your column last week, if they don’t give women money, buy them expensive gifts and surprise them once in a while, there will be no romance. So, next time, tell us the truth and stop beating around the bush with big English.
-Edwin Obot, Uyo