Why marriages are failing

Many people seem to forget or do not know, that it was not man that instituted marriage but God. After creating Adam, the first person He created, He saw that he was lonely. Realizing that he needed a companion, He gave him Eve. She became the first woman, the first wife and the first mother.
In the distant past, before any marriage, enquiries were made by the families of the man and also of the lady. The enquiry was not limited to the man and the lady, but also was extended to their families. Issues enquired about included moral conduct of the man, the lady and whether their families were fond of divorcing their spouses, adulterous practices, had they ever been associated with stealing, poisoning people, et cetera. Wealth was an influencing factor, not necessarily in terms of cash, but possession of land and palm plantation. Health challenges, such as leprosy, tuberculosis, et cetera, were also considered, not only of the man or the lady, but whether any of their family members, past or present, had been a victim.
If the couple divorced later, the two families and the middle man would meet, for the woman’s family to refund the bride price. The husband would detail the clothes he bought for the wife, and he would be refunded, but with some modifications, if she had some children for him. He would be refunded also the money he gave to the lady’s family members and cloths he bought for any of them. In that circumstance, most wives dreaded divorce. Some parents would threaten their daughters with death, should they divorce their husbands or give cause to be divorced. Divorce stigma was also dreaded by men, since many families would not give out their daughters in marriage to a chronic divorcee.
Today, in some marriages, the family members are left out by their children. A dad showed me the wedding photograph of his daughter and he was not a party to the wedding. The relationship collapsed as quickly as it was contracted. In most marriages today, the youths seem to forget that it was God, Who conceived the idea and started the journey Himself. Some couples do not hide their feelings that they do not want God in it. It may be that His ways are archaic for them. The attitude they portray is that they can manage their affairs, being no longer toddlers but soon, they live in regret.
These youths have earned university degrees, which in their ignorance, they think that God does not possess. They have travelled wide, having been to the US, UK, Germany, France, Italy, and all these wonderful countries, which they believe that are unknown to Him. They speak in modern assent, pronouncing words like the Whiteman and behaving like him. Through the growth of their businesses, they are prominent or are making good money in blue-chip companies. A US youth said that he had no reason to be praying, since he had all the things he needed. This may be the testimony of some of our youths, who may even be richer than God! Are some of them, especially, those who are stars in Nollywood or Hollywood, not more popular than God?
Some people start to cohabitate with the opposite sex, with the mind to know each other well before being joined in marriage. They may continue in this way till the lady bears two or three children before Uncle discovers her faults or she discovers his. The relationship is then broken and each of them starts again with another person and the experience is not different. They may keep on trying new spouses and the story is still the same. God did not start Adam and Eve in this ‘modern’ way. Most of the people, who are on this ‘modern’ road, know that their parents did not follow it.
Joseph and Mary, in the Bible, were engaged in marriage and each of them had what it took to attract the other to bed but they resisted it, being very conscious that they had not wedded. Most of the people, whose marriages have broken down, know that they started with premarital intercourse. During their wedding, some of them might have laughed at the Officiating Minister, when he asked whether each of them would take the other as the spouse, when the woman was already four months pregnant! This may explain why unbelievers call Church wedding ‘White wedding’. To them, it is absolutely ceremonial. This is not so to a child of God, for it is the day God joins them in marriage.
There is nothing to excite unbelievers during their wedding, having been sleeping together all the years. During Uncle’s wedding, nothing may prevent some of his lady friends from attending, after all, the wedding may not stop their sinful relationship. I asked one of my uncles, when I was growing up, why he was befriending a married lady. His answer was that it would prevent him from being accused by any lady of impregnating her, as her husband would be bearing the brunt.
The Lord Jesus spoke about two buildings, one built on a solid foundation and the other on sand, with no foundation. Much time, effort and money will, for sure, be spent on the one with a solid foundation. I guess that the owner was still digging deep into the soil, when the man, who built on shallow ground, has finished building and must have painting his house. He might have bought the best paints not only in town, but in the world. One night, the storm came and pulled down that house, while the one built on solid foundation, is still standing till now!
Solid foundation is not only about building a house. It encompasses everything we do, especially, our marriage. We must spend quality time in prayer, so that God will reveal to us, our life partner. This is a waste of time to the unbeliever. He makes his choice, judging from physical attraction. The unbelieving ladies may exercise their choice based on the market value of the man. Sooner or later, what they did not know or expect, manifests itself from the spouse. In some cases, their mums are sleeping with their husbands or their husbands are impregnating their craw-craw housemaids. It may be Aunty, having an immoral relationship with her father-in-law or her husband’s friend. The result is that the beautiful name calling, ‘babe’ or ‘baby’, comes to an end!
It is divine wisdom to allow God, Who knows the end and the beginning to guide us in the journey of life, including marriage. The end result is joy and destiny fulfillment.
For further comment, Please contact: Osondu Anyalechi: 0802 3002-471; [email protected]