Maturity is important in relationships. Anyone who has been in a relationship will agree that you need more than love for your commitment to your partner to work and stand the test of time.
Even if you genuinely love someone, the realities of life have a way of reminding you that nothing is as easy as it seems especially when it comes to the matters of the heart.
Love is good. Romance is sweet. Bonding with the love of your life is beautiful. Fidelity and loyalty are needed in relationships too but couples shouldn’t overlook the place of maturity.
Maturity is a person’s ability to appropriately respond to others and to the outside world. Being mature is a skill that one should learn and cannot be acquired instinctively. So what does it mean to be mature especially if you are in a committed relationship?
Displaying maturity means that you address the needs of your relationship first. Throwing tantrums and sulking when issues arise are pointers that you are not mature enough to be in a relationship.
Selfishness has a way of destroying relationships and the idea of being in a commitment with someone means that you have to think and decide not only for yourself but for the other person, too.
Maturity means making the right decisions and working on goals meant to benefit you and your significant other. These goals are focused and based on what both of you want and need and how the consequences can affect your future.
You are matured when you learn the values of trust, respect, and sincerity. These values are important ingredients to happy and healthy relationships. If you don’t trust and respect your partner, don’t expect to enjoy a good relationship.
You have to trust your partner that they have the strength to fight for what you have. They also should not be fighting to keep your relationship or marriage all by themselves like some Nigerian women do. I don’t know these women survive fighting to keep unwilling men by their sides.
If you are mature, you will also respect your partner as a person and as a human being. Respect shouldn’t be reserved for men alone in relationships and marriages. Women deserve to be respected too.
If you appreciate sincerity and learn to express genuine love and affection towards your partner, you are matured. Lies, deceits and games hurt relationships no matter how smart the lying party thinks he or she is. Maturity means being honest with the person you love.
When you can accept and tolerate the worst part of your partner, when you can get through their most terrible tantrums and bad moods, it means that there’s a huge chance that you can end up together because you both are matured.
It is important for men and women to recognize that the person they are in love with is not perfect and it’s beautiful if, despite these imperfections, you still have the eyes to see the best part of them. However, know when you should step in and do your part to help them grow and inspire them to change for the better.
If you are matured, you will never think that you are the only one who knows how to make your relationship work. You are not always right and you can’t have the final say in everything. Being in a healthy relationship means having the wisdom to understand and see things from both perspectives.
Loving someone makes you emotionally vulnerable. It is true that your partner who can make you the happiest human alive is the same person who can easily break your heart into a million pieces. Your partner, just like you, is only human, and capable of making mistakes.
There are moments when you will get hurt, when you will feel that you have been betrayed or taken for granted. However, don’t let these get to you. Let patience give you strength and let forgiveness give you hope that everything is just a part of the process.
Maturity means you have accepted your relationship is not perfect. There are days when the love of your life will break your heart. There will be moments, too, when you make the wrong choices that can eventually hurt your relationship.
Everything is just a part of the process and all the challenges that you face as a couple are there to either make or break you. But the same cannot be said for violent and abusive relationships. Know when to protect yourself before another human being kills you because of a relationship. You leave violent and abusive relationships so that you live to tell your story.
One clear sign of maturity in a relationship is when you no longer have the time and energy to accommodate negative and destructive thoughts that could potentially end your relationship. When you can easily let go of these unnecessary emotions, you have matured.
Maturity means being a good listener and knowing the right words to say depending on what the moment requires. Having the sensitivity to find the right words can help your significant other feel that they can always talk to you about anything.
Making your partner feel that they are with a dependable friend and a supportive partner is one of the advantages of being with a matured person. It is important that couples understand the value of communication and how it can create a stronger bond between them.
When you can admit your mistakes and learn from them, you are a mature lover or spouse. You won’t be less of a human being if you admit you were wrong to your partner. Men, saying sorry to your woman won’t make your manhood disappear. Learn to apologize properly to your partner when you offend them. Don’t start asking them what they would eat. That is not an apology.
It takes a lot of courage to learn from the mistakes that you have made in the past but it also takes a great level of maturity to admit that you are not always right. You have to acknowledge this flaw of being human. Everybody makes mistakes and you shouldn’t fail to see the wrong things you have done when it’s too late.
Maturity in relationships means recognizing the power of words and knowing how to use them. Words are powerful and how you use them can either make another person smile or cry.
Couples should learn to choose what to say and what not to express. You have all the right to express how you feel, good or bad, but don’t use this freedom to intentionally hurt the person you love.
It takes a lot of maturity to figure out life alone and being in a passionate relationship with another person can make everything harder and more complicated. That’s the reason why people shouldn’t jump in and out of relationships without being matured enough to handle some complex relationship issues.
Even if you have lost the man or woman you love just because of your immaturity and childish attitude, this is not a reason to give up. You should learn from your mistakes and move on. You will soon meet someone better. Take all the time you need and learn as much as you can.
Re: when he’s not interested in you
Thank you for your counsel to women when a man is not interested in them. You are teaching women to be bold, assertive and independent. I have learnt a lot from reading your column lately. -Ify Ibeh, Lagos
I don’t understand men who attack you for stating your opinions on relationship matters. You are forceful to an extent but you are honest and consistent in your convictions. I admire what you do weekly even though I may not agree with your stance all the time. You are doing a great job Kate. I am your fan. -Benjamin Oke, Abuja
You are now advising ladies not to fight for men they love because you want them to end up like you. You are empty upstairs and no man wants to marry you. That’s why you are deceiving women with your evil articles. You will not succeed in turning our good girls into monsters. God will not allow your satanic plans against good marriages to prosper. -Obinna, Aba
Reading your column last week was like watching a movie about my past. I am glad women are being educated about relationships these days. I nearly died for my ex. He wasn’t interested in me but I kept pushing it until we got married.
The marriage was hell on earth. I was the only one trying to make it work for years. When I couldn’t take his lack of love, and indifference anymore, I left him. I am a better woman now. I don’t do forced relationships anymore. Thank you for all that you do. -Oluwakemi Atanda, Lagos
Kate, sometimes men act uninterested so that a woman can do the chasing. Everything is not in black and white. Stop teaching young ladies arrogance through your column. They might end up old and without husbands if they do everything you tell them. By the way, are you married? How do you know the things you write about with so much authority? -Francis Udoh, Uyo
My erudite journalist; thanks so much for your resilience and courage weekly through your educative column. In spite of thoughtless and unjust vilification by some unrepentant antagonists against you and what you stand for, you are still waxing stronger. You have to know that you must be misunderstood to be great. Keep the flag flying! -Pst. Stephen, Abuja