Whenever you see Nigerian men defending the Bible and bursting veins trying to convince women that the Holy Book was written with the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, just know that they are talking about submission. That is the only portion of the Bible they believe in. 
If you remind them that the Bible said they shouldn’t commit adultery, they will quickly switch to men are polygamous in nature and can’t eat one soup for life. They will also remind you of how their forefathers married many wives because they couldn’t stick to one woman and they all lived happily ever after.
These same men who believe that women should submit themselves, their lives, their dreams, their senses, their salaries and their vaginas to them deliberately refuse to obey other commandments in the same Bible they keep quoting to women.
Why do many Nigerian men love the submission gospel? Why do they focus so much on how women should submit to men in all things in marriage without hammering on men loving their wives like that Bible verse they love quoting also instructed?
Why is it that whenever the topic of marriage comes up, the first thing an average Nigerian man will say he’s looking for in a woman is submission? Why don’t they look for women who will match their intellect and drive to make money? Why do these men love this portion of the Bible so much yet break every other commandments in the Bible without blinking?
These men who live and breathe submission and demand it from women as if their lives depend on it don’t have problems with lying, stealing, cheating on their wives with impunity, disrespecting their wives and their family members, yet they cling onto submission as if it is their oxygen. They will tell you how the Bible talks about women being virtuous without mentioning how they must be godly men and good husbands too.
I will tell you why these men are so keen about submission but first, let’s define submission. The Cambridge English dictionary defines submission as the act of allowing someone or something to have power over you. It is the act of accepting the power or authority of someone else. It is also the act of giving something for a decision to be made by others, or a document formally given in this way.
This is why Nigerian men love submission. They love to insist women submit to them because it gives them the power to control their lives, dressing, decisions, relationships and future. Nigerian men hide under the Bible to abuse women. It is appalling. They twist this Bible verse to fulfil their selfish agenda, which is to control women. This is why they can’t stand women who refuse to be intimidated. They call them stubborn and unsubmissive.
Whenever you hear a Nigerian man talk about his wife submitting to his authority, in many cases, he is talking about her being his dunce, doormat and yes-woman. He is talking about a woman who has no voice or say in the marriage. He is gloating about a woman who doesn’t have opinions of her own. He is talking about a woman he lords it over using the Bible as his cover.
I don’t pay attention to Nigerian men who are so keen on submission. I see them as abusive and controlling human beings. They conveniently forget the ‘Men, love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself for her’ but latch onto submission just to make sure they reduce their wives to nothing. This is why you will see a man boasting about telling his wife to resign from her wel-paying job because he wants to feel powerful. This is why some men send robbers to their wives shops just to destroy their business when these women start making more money than they are doing. It’s all about control.
If you ask Nigerian men if they would die for their wives, they will shout ‘God forbid’ but they want women who will submit their lives, senses, money, future, bodies and relationships to them without asking questions. They want women who won’t ask them questions even when their decisions and lifestyle is destroying their marriage. To these men, their wives are just mere acquisitions and they must not say or do anything even if they are unhappy.
These men who keep whining about submission everywhere they go want to marry women they can treat anyhow while claiming these women are submissive. The sad thing is that people will support them and refuse to see how badly they treat their wives. Many Nigerian men want to end up with women who won’t ask them questions even if they are endangering their lives. They want women who will bow down and worship them.
When it comes to Nigerian men and relationships, women have to be extremely careful so as not to end up with narcissistic, control freaks who insist on submission without loving wholeheartedly first and respecting their women. It is not only men who deserve to be respected; women are human beings with feelings and they should be respected too by the men they are married to. It takes two willing, respectful, sensible, loving and committed people to make a marriage work. It is not the duty of women alone to build their marriages, men should play their part too without making so much noise about submission.
Marrying a Nigerian man is not for the faint-hearted. If you are not an emotionally strong woman, some Nigerian men, especially the ones who love submission more than their personal hygiene, will destroy your self-worth, self -esteem, career, future and relationships with friends and family. They will confuse you so much with their one sided submission sermon that you will lose yourself at the end of the day. Women need to be wary of men who love submission more than mutual love and respect among couples.
I find it funny that Nigerians focus so much on women submitting to men but haven’t asked if these men are worthy to be submitted to. Having a male organ doesn’t make a man worthy of submission. Do these men know what it takes to love and treat women right? Do Nigerian men know how to keep their marriages like women have been taught for ages? Are these Nigerian men worthy to be submitted to?
You can’t be hammering on women submitting to men without teaching men how to work on their marriages too. It won’t work. Stop teaching men that once they have money, rent a good apartment and are at a certain age, then they must get married. Are these men taught personal hygiene or do they believe submission also means leaving their self-care to their wives? Some men won’t even flush the toilet after use because they believe submission means wives flushing their husbands’ poo all-year-round without complaining.
To some Nigerian men, submission means a successful career woman who earns three times more than her husband resigning from her job so that her husband who earns 50 thousand naira monthly will feel like a man and in control of his family. It doesn’t matter if the family is thrown in economic hardship because one man needs to massage his over-bloated ego. People will start chanting that the woman is virtuous and submissive without telling the man how foolish he is for putting his family through so much stress.
Dear Nigerian women, if you love yourselves, stay away from men who demand submission without giving and showing love and who are not ready to die for you when the need arises. Remind them that the portion of the Bible they love to quote so much commands men to love their wives like Christ loves the church and died for her. If these men can die for their wives without complaining, then the equation will balance.
If the man you are dating claims men are polygamous in nature and doesn’t see anything wrong with cheating on you, but is foaming in the mouth all the time about you submitting everything to him in marriage, run for your dear life. He’s bad news. I have come to realize that many Nigerian men love submission because it gives them the power to control and destroy women’s lives. They do this without blinking because they believe it’s their right.
Re: Don’t settle for less because of past hurts
My dear Kate, I look forward to Saturday Sun just because of your column. Keep the flag flying. Indeed, ‘Marriage doesn’t change bad behaviour,it amplifies it’. Kudos! Is it not strange that some men are reacting to your write-up with insults? That simply means we are in trouble in Africa. These are people who have mothers, wives and sisters. It is unbelievable how these men treat women but the truth must prevail at all times. Ride on!
-Mrs Ginika, Benin
Kudos to you on your cupid talks. One who settles for less because of past hurts is not ready to work on having a better relationship. In a nutshell, a relationship is a journey of thorns and thistles, all your senses must be active and articulate to get it right. If you must settle for the best then, think right, watch right and discern rightly. Only the best is good enough for you.
-Ejemasa Lucky
Dirty brat, it is obvious that you are a harlot. The reason you put your number on your column is to get kick-backs and patronage from married men. Shameless husband-1snatcher with twisted incoherent articles. You are only fit as an ass wipe. Go hug both wet and dry transformer. Idiot.
-Seun
I laugh whenever people react to your column with name calling and insults. It shows how unintelligent they are. You are a good writer and deep down, I know you write from a place of love and concern for your gender. Many men don’t like this but I understand you. You have a way of teaching people new things, challenging their stiff beliefs and calling for change where the society supports maltreating women. I may not agree with your views all the time but I read your column weekly. Well done, Kate.
-Godwin, Lagos
When will you talk about women hurting men and eating their money? You keep talking as if women are angels and men are demons to be cast out. I won’t take you serious until you start holding women accountable the same way you call men to order every week. Don’t be a hypocrite. You feminists are just bitter, angry and unteachable. You don’t make good wives. Stop corrupting other good women with your trashy articles.
-Obinna, Aba