I dated a young man at one time and all his siblings were married with kids including his younger brothers, but not him. He was least interested in settling down, even though his eldest sister in her 50’s was also single at the time.
I heard so much about her before we finally met. She stays abroad and only visits Nigeria every six weeks. She has a room in all her siblings’ houses but stays most times at my boyfriend’s house because he’s single and the closest to her.
He invited me for late lunch at his house one day, I arrived just on time after he burnt the food and I joined his siblings and their children who arrived before me to have a good laugh.
The door bell rang and there she was; the female version of my boyfriend, beautiful and a little young for her age. Apparently he wanted me to meet his family.
She complained of the house smelling of burnt food. We all teased my boyfriend again and her next question hit me but I didn’t take it to heart. She asked “Amaka, where were you that he had to cook? You know he doesn’t know how to cook any food!” I actually smiled and told her I came in barely five minutes before she arrived.
I didn’t read any meanings into what she said because I saw myself right through her. I don’t believe my brothers or parents should have any reasons to go near any kitchen when I’m home.
Cooking is something I enjoy doing. My siblings and parents know I take over the kitchen once I’m home. I’m the chef, it doesn’t matter if my food tastes like saw dust.
Less than five minutes after her arrival, she was already in the kitchen clearing the remaining food. She stocked the freezer with food on her last visit. I helped out with the little I could and left.
I visited him three days later and his three deep freezers were filled with all kinds of cooked food including moin-moin made with leaves. She is a world class big sister. The food in his freezers will last him till her next visit.
I got to find out later that when they were younger, she was working and earning good money and buying properties in her brothers’ names because she was told that a woman shouldn’t be too wealthy so as to not scare away potential suitors.
They told me how they used the latest cars and lived in some of the finest apartments in town as undergraduates. They were spending their big sister’s money. She spoilt them silly. They told me that if she had not insisted they started working after graduation from university and becoming responsible, they were okay already because she bought landed properties in their names.
She invested in them that they all became confirmed big boys and seven though she has a say in whatever happens in their families, she tries as much as possible to be neutral.
This brings me to the point I’m driving at. Most times when you see men give their sisters upper hand in their homes, be rest assured they gave their all and more to these men.
When some men die, you see their sisters at logger heads with the wives, fighting right from their own husbands houses, they are not about to watch another woman who didn’t know how the riches came about take over.
I understand their struggle, although I expect a man to tell his wife the truth about all his material acquisitions. But how many wives will understand that the properties their husbands own actually belongs to their sisters?
The culture of telling women to hide what they own, to not buy expensive stuff or own properties they can afford in their names so as to not scare away men made a lot of women live a life of lie and pretence.
So, she buys the properties in her brothers’ or family name. She allows her brothers enjoy all the comforts of living a good life, travel the world, live in mansions, fly first class, wear designer clothes, and drive posh cars while she lives a hard life because she’s a woman. Dear women, especially first daughters, you deserve a life of your own! Uplift your family by all means, buy properties for your brothers in their names, but own properties in your own name as well.
If you love exotic cars, buy yourself some. If you love designer clothes and perfumes, please spoil yourself silly. Travel the world, fly commercial, fly first class and give yourself a treat once in a while.
All we want in this world is happiness. It is just unfortunate that insecure people have reduced the routes to it to just marital happiness. People can be happy without marriage. They can live good lives without marriage. Ladies, stop owning properties and being rich by proxy. If anything happens to your brothers or parents today, you are not their beneficiary. Your brothers, their wives and kids will take over. And you shall have no power over them. After all, it is not your name that is on the documents.
If you work for your money, don’t hide to spend it. Do what you can for your family but live. Live a good life. Married or single, live your life to its fullest!