Getting married to someone you love and respect is not a bed of roses. Marriage to a man or woman you are compatible with will be full of challenges because humans are not perfect. So you can imagine how getting married to someone you really don’t know well will look like.
It doesn’t matter how these person behaves while you were dating, you can’t really say you know them we until you start living together as husband and wife. This is where some people start noticing some character traits and negative behavior that was well hidden. This is when you realize that you shouldn’t have rushed into marriage because you think love is enough to make a marriage work.
There are many reasons why some person may feel pressured to marry, especially women. Sometimes, it’s peer pressure or pressure from family members. In some cases, it’s self imposed pressure by women to beat the supposed biological clock. This is annoying because men too have biological clocks ticking too but they make it look as if when a woman doesn’t get married at a particular age, she’s finished and should stop living. They shame these women until they get tired of being taunted and settle down with tasteless, irresponsible and unloving men.
Sometimes, some people rush into marriage due to the excitement of having a new partner. Some ladies also get married to escape the poverty in their families while some men get married just to enjoy the services of a maid, cook, cleaner disguised as wives. These men who can’t lift a finger to clean up after themselves now become dirty and lazy Lords of the house. They expect to be babied by the women who have two hands like them.
While there are some unique instances when people are certain they have met the one, get married early, and live happily ever after, it is advisable for men and women to take their time with a decision as serious as marriage since rushing into a union without really knowing who they will be spending the rest of their days with can lead to serious regrets. Below are some of the reasons people may regret rushing into marriage.
You may have overlooked some red flags because you were blinded by love. I hear women lament all the time about being disrespected by their husbands and when I ask some of them if they didn’t notice this behavior while dating these men, they go silent or try to explain away their desperation to get married by claiming all men are not perfect.
The great thing about taking your time to date and get married is that it allows you more time to get to know a person. When you first meet someone new, you tend to put your best foot forward and want to see the good in them. Choosing to marry someone while you are still in the infatuation stage means there’s a good chance that you haven’t seen all of this person’s imperfections and character traits. Why rush into marriage to begin with?
You and your spouse may not be as compatible as you think. This is the sad reality for many married couples. It is tough to know whether you are truly compatible with someone or not until you have spent at least a few years with them. It’s one thing to have enough in common to sustain a brief courtship, but it’s an entirely different story for a lifetime commitment.
Rushing to the altar is not good because you may not know your partner’s family well. Some families are good at hiding who their sons and daughters really are from their partners. When you marry someone, you marry their family. And while you may think you love your new partner’s relatives now, you should know that many families know how to hold it together at the beginning. It’s advisable to date long enough that you will be able to get at least identify your in-laws’ behaviour so that you can make an informed decision about whether or not you truly want to marry into that family.
When you rush into marriage, you may fail to have important discussions with your partner which might save you both the lifetime of hurts and regrets. When you intend to spend a lifetime with someone, it is a good idea to be sure that your ideals and future plans match. Unfortunately, many who have had brief courtships miss this step and learn later down the line that they want very different things out of life and their marriages.
Rushing into marriage will make you miss out on some fun stuff. Dating is an important and fun step on the road to marriage. Sadly, it’s one that is often overlooked on the mad dash to the altar. Marriage comes with major responsibilities and there will be times when you look back on your carefree days with longing but it will be too late as you cannot go back to the past. Have fun, go out and mingle with people. Travel, enjoy yourself because life is meant to be enjoyed.
You were not financially stable to start a family. Whether we want to accept or not, without money a marriage will collapse. Romance without money is annoyance. Getting married when you and your partner have no means of livelihood is a recipe for disaster. Adding children to the mix is equally a bad decision. How will you both take care of children when you still beg to feed, clothe and pay your bills? Make sure that you are in a place of financial stability before tying the knot. That way, you and your partner can start your new life together as two financially dependent adults.
If you are not emotionally prepared to share your life with another person, you may regret getting married later. Jumping into a lifetime commitment prematurely often means that you haven’t given yourself time to emotionally prepare. This can backfire in the long run and cause major problems within the marriage including misplaced feelings of resentment and deep regret.
You might begin to feel like you are missing out on some things. When rushing into a marriage prematurely, it’s not uncommon to feel that you are missing out on life because you settled down too quickly. While marriage definitely shouldn’t stop you from living your best life, being a single person has perks that are not necessarily afforded to married people.
You may regret getting married when what you wanted may not be what you truly want. Loving and marrying a career woman looks good on paper until you realize that they spend more time at work than they do at home. Desiring to be with a family man sounds good in theory until you really that he’s deeply enmeshed with his boundary disrespecting family. Even if you are certain your boyfriend or girlfriend has the characteristics that you want in a life partner, date them long enough to be sure that you can cope with the down side of who they are.
At some point, you will start questioning yourself. Anytime you rush a major decision, you open yourself up to potential regret. While occasionally wondering “What if?” during personal moments of reflection can be normal, these moments are often fleeting. However, when you know for a fact that you rushed into marriage, you will also wonder what may have happened had you taken your time.
When you rush into marriage, you may later find out that you don’t love your partner because you love the idea of who they are and what they bring into your life at the point where you both decide to head to the altar. Infatuation deceives many people because it feels like love when it may not be love. In many cases, infatuation fades and people realize that they are not actually in love with their partners at all, which is why it is a terrible idea to get married too early into a relationship.
Rushing into marriage is a bad idea. Marriage is a life time commitment that shouldn’t be rushed for any reason. Take your time. Get to know who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Find out their opinions on important issues. Find out how they react when things don’t go as planned. Find out how they react when they are angry. Find out their money habits and character traits. Find out if they respect you or ignore your opinions. Love is not enough to keep a marriage.
Re: Indecent dressing not the cause of rape
First and foremost, I laud your immense efforts in sensitizing our youths on precarious and vicious issues like rape and its destructive consequences. Rape has gone beyond comments, powerful line and literature. We have laid too much emphasis on rape, and it gets worse each time. I strongly appeal and solicit to the government and other well-meaning Nigerians to join forces to put an end to this inhumane trend. This rape issue is not unemployment or inflation which can never stop, this is critical and criminal and has to be totally wiped out. Restoring sanity to our country Nigeria should be the goal.
-Emmanuel Saviour, Imo State
Lack of good upbringing causes many rape related issues. Parents should teach their children and wards the right values. The only way to end rape is to make a law of death sentence for rapists caught in act. It has become an embarrassment to the nation and it must stop.
-Chika Nnorom, Umukabia
Kate, no excuse from the pit of hell is tenable to justify this terrible act. Sexual urges originate in the mind before it translates into action. Categories of victims show that rapists are depraved and perverse in their minds. I suggest that all supporters and defenders of rapists should be treated as accomplices and punished.
Rapists and their defenders should know that any evil done to women and girls by men must be punished, if not now, but later and if not by man, by God.
–Pst. Stephen, Abuja
Kate, let’s be honest with ourselves, I am a man that have water and blood running in my system. Any man or woman saying that indecent dressing is d cause of rape is a beast in human clothing. How can women become endangered species in Nigeria because of some men? My heart is bleeding for these women being forcefully defiled. May God help us. Continue to be an Evangelist, we are solidly behind you.
-Hon Peter Okafor, Imo State
I read with much pains in my heart the acts of evil men in our country Nigeria inflict on innocent women and girls. Thanks a lot for your courage in talking about this important issue. Indeed, these are signs of the end time.
Kate, more power to your elbow. It is awful to hear about rape again and how these rapists now rape and kill women in their own homes. The fact that one is not in need of his property doesn’t license you to stealing it. That’s the situation in Nigeria now and it’s a sad trend.
All manner of excuses are given to paint sin. Many men justify rape because they themselves are innocent rapists still walking gorgeously on the streets of Nigeria. The evil men do live with them and judgement will be served definitely someday. No man has the right to a woman’s body without her permission.