On-again, off-again relationships can be emotionally exhausting. This kind of relationship is also known as yo-yo relationships. It is a relationship where partners keep breaking up and making up for months or years thus repeating a cycle. If you look around you, you will notice people whose love life follows this pattern.
Such relationships never feel like they are completely over because the people involved somehow always find a way to come back together, even if it’s for a short period of time. This type of relationship is so common and hard to quit. Breaking up and making up for years may sound cute in movies but they are not healthy for the people involved.
The fact that you always end up with the same person over and over again may seem like a testament to your love, but it’s also indicative of unhealthy relationship patterns. Being in such a relationship might not leave you better off especially if you are hoping for a happy, fulfilling, committed and long term relationship.
Leaving an on-again, off-again relationship has nothing to do with how much you love the person. It’s about leaving a situation that won’t make you happy in the end. If you have been telling yourself that your bumpy relationship will end in happiness, let me burst your bubble. Such relationships don’t end well. Below are some reasons you need to exit that emotional roller-coaster immediately.
Things keep ending for a reason. Most breakups happen for a reason and the fact that you continue to break up means that the issue hasn’t gone anywhere. Pay attention to the writing on the wall. Stop making excuses for someone you should leave in the past. If you both can’t solve your issues, it is better to break up for good. That person won’t change. You have to stop hoping for the impossible.
If you keep breaking up and making up with someone, you are hindering yourself from dating a better partner. One of the issues with wasting time in a relationship that you know has no future is that your time can be better spent with someone else who is better than your current partner. Choosing to stay tied down to a deadend relationship blocks you from other potential relationships with more promising outcomes.
Don’t let anyone tell you that relationships should be stressful. That’s not healthy for you mentally and emotionally. Enduring a volatile relationship is stressful. You never really know when things are going to hit the fan, but you know that things will eventually go south. This can make it difficult to focus on other areas of your life because it’s as if you are always coming out of or about to go into a relationship crisis, which is emotionally exhausting when you really think about it.
In addition to robbing you of your time, staying in a toxic relationship can also make you stagnate. The chapter was supposed to end years or even months ago but you continue to go back, reading and hoping that the outcome will somehow change. It won’t and it’s difficult to grow when you are clinging to dead things. You will stunt your growth if you keep going back to someone who doesn’t deserve your love and attention.
Wasting time in a deadend relationship can also rob you of time that can be spent on other important things such as working on yourself and advancing your career or furthering your education. Toxic relationships are major distraction and a thief of time. You should spend your time doing better things. Your time can be better spent. Don’t listen to that tale of holding on for the sake of your love until you wake up one day and discover that you just wasted years of your life over a dead relationship.
Another issue with on-again-off-again relationships is that the issues that are causing the breakup have a tendency to become toxic over time and it unfortunately becomes acceptable to you. Each time that you go back to the unhealthy situation, you send the message that you are willing to accept anything this person dishes out for the sake of being with them. It shows how low you think of yourself. It tells the other person that you lack self-worth and esteem and they can continue treating you anyhow.
All relationships experience their share of problems, but couples that are constantly on-again and off-again sometimes lack basic problem solving and conflict resolution skills. Of course, there are ways to get better such as couples therapy and communication exercises but both parties have to commit to the process. This pattern is unhealthy for the people involved. You can’t keep breaking up because you don’t know how to solve your issues and then expect them to automatically disappear when you come together again.
At the end of the day, you deserve a relationship that is consistent and a partner that doesn’t have to periodically lose you in order to treat you the way that you are supposed to be treated. Stop putting up with toxic and disrespectful behaviour because you want to hold on to a relationship. It’s not worth it in the long run. As a human being who needs love and companionship, you deserve better. Don’t trade your dignity for the crumbs a toxic person drops at your feet. Know your worth and break up for good. Move on with your life.
Another reason why you should quit the cycle of on-again off-again relationships is that you won’t traumatize the products of that relationship. It can be very confusing and painful for children to see their parents constantly breaking up and making up. Not only does it place them on an emotional seesaw, but it also models unhealthy relationship patterns. They grow up thinking that’s how relationships should be. You shouldn’t be setting bad relationship examples for your children, they are watching you keenly.
Clinging to relationships simply because you are too scared to be alone is a wrong reason to keep breaking up and making up. It is natural to want a partner, but your true happiness shouldn’t depend on your partner. Making your happiness dependent on another person will always result in failure. Learning how to make yourself happy lasts forever. Stay alone for a while and sort out your issues. Heal from the hurts and pains of your past relationship before venturing into a new one. It doesn’t hurt to be single but it hurts to be in a wrong relationship.
The fact that you are in a relationship that is stuck in a pattern of on and off shows that you have already committed to making an end, but you just haven’t been able to follow through. If you must end that relationship, you must keep some things in mind. You must focus on the lessons you learned from that relationship so that you can move forward. Be honest about what you feel and don’t pretend to be okay if you are still hurting.
One of the best ways to get the support you need to put an end to things once and for all is to reach out to your support system and ask for their help. Your support system can be your family or close friends. You need them to let go of that draining relationship for good. Sometimes, their perspective is the desired push you need to get over the hill and never look back. You should also take a firm decision and stick to it for your own good.