Do you really have to walk out of a marriage because of infidelity?
It has become a trend for people to use social media to adjudge their personal lives and influence decisions, forgetting that we are all individuals with a unique path and peculiar human experiences.
Mrs A walked out of her marriage when Mr A cheated. So you walk out of your own because you feel it is the right thing to do. That is a disaster!
Personally, I do not condone cheating and that is because I know I would be emotionally vested in that union and the feeling of betrayal may be more than I can bear.
Secondly, I’m not a competitive person plus I have an ego. I leave relationships where I feel I’m competing or chasing after the person’s love, attention and affections.
My values and beliefs are unique to me so I will most likely feel deeply hurt if I get cheated on. Nevertheless, I’m not sure of how I would react if confronted by infidelity in my marriage.
That said, not all women are like me. And that’s okay. Same way not every man is monogamous, and that’s fine too. Monogamy and polygamy to me are simply social constructs to suit the needs of human beings.
Some cultures practice polyandry while the West who brought the concept of one-man-one-wife has started practicing one-man one-husband and one-wife one-woman. They even practice polyamoury, open marriages, husband/wife swapping and all sorts of relationship set ups.
Also let’s not forget that not every Nigerian is a Christian. And it would be unfair to expect everyone to follow the tenets of a particular faith because it is popular. And since that is the case, not every man or woman should go before the altar of God in a Church to make vows they cannot and will not keep.
Let us dump this hypocrisy and tell ourselves the truth. As a person, you should know your values and genuinely live your truth. If you are a woman who doesn’t really care if her husband has a side chick, why are you letting social media rile you up?
Some women married for money, status, comfort, security and child bearing and nothing about love, trust or commitment was in that mix.
I know women who give their husbands permission to cheat but set the boundaries. Those men have side chicks, provide for their families and all is well and good.
I know women who don’t like sex. Or maybe they don’t like sex with their husbands, I don’t know. They deny them sex; give all manner of excuses ranging from spiritual to medical. This is the hard truth; some women just don’t like sex, period!
In fact I have a friend who has resolved not to marry simply because she cannot be burdened with the demand for sex in a marriage relationship. And that’s okay. The trouble is when you know you have this part of you and still shout bloody murder when you get cheated on. That is practicing witchcraft.
I believe a man who cheats in a marriage must have cheated in his relationships (not absolute though). So the fact that you dragged him to a church altar doesn’t mean he will suddenly change his bad behaviour.
Can you deal with a serial cheating husband that respects you, takes care of you and spoils you silly? If yes, why should anyone tell you otherwise?
I have been privileged to meet men who don’t cheat but are usually workaholics. Some are so bad that they don’t call you in weeks. Can you deal with less attention as long as there is fidelity? Of course there are men who have a good handle on their work-life balance who do not cheat.
The point of this piece is to let you know there is really no one-size-fits-all. Your duty is to dig out what your values are, what is unique to you, the beliefs that guide you and live by them, not other people’s own. You truly owe nobody any explanations on how you wish to live your life
By guest columnist Natalie Ewaen A. Usen
RE: THE TRUTH ABOUT TRANSACTIONAL SEX
You hit the nail on the head. Poverty has reduced relationships between men and women to only where their next meal and extra money will come from and in the absence of sex and gifts, nothing really works.
–Dennis, Asaba
I give my girlfriend N5, 000 every month from my N50, 000 salary but she complains that it is too small. I’m ready to leave her for a girl who understands that relationship is not a business but for love and companionship.
–Asuquo, Uyo
There’s nothing wrong in exchanging sex for money and gifts in a relationship. He cannot be demanding sex from me, satisfying and enjoying himself without taking care of my financial needs. If he is to patronize prostitutes, won’t he pay them?”
–Sandra