It has become very necessary for some women to know that not all their decisions and actions yield good results. Some of the yesteryear decisions and actions taken in a hurry, out of ignorance, naivety, carelessness and outright poverty of thought content often result in regret, remorse and confusion. It is common knowledge that some women ignorantly create opportunities for other women to invade and destroy their marriages.
When the marital relationship breaks down, the woman may walk out with the children. That is why it is necessary that a deep, sober reflection precedes such a step, to ensure that the decision to leave is the most favourable one for all concerned in the circumstance. Women who are maltreated in a marriage because they had no male child or endured very difficult men for a long time, could be forgiven for taking a walk.
However, the ones that run away with younger lovers, to spite their husbands or just to be free from the marriage, such moves do not always end well for them. This is more so when the children did not go with the blessings of their father. While the ones with genuine reasons attract sympathy, the freewill runners face mockery and shame. Their act is seen as a minus.
Careless and irresponsible women cannot give their children the best of care or direction in life. When the spiritual and physical cover which marriage gives is taken away, the inadequacies of the woman are exposed. You find that such women do not possess the power to overcome challenges, which catering to the wellbeing of the children entails. Rather than dig in and confront the challenges, they all too often resort to irrelevancies.
Then again, only a few brave women move out with the children and still speak good of their father. All stories they tell show only the negative sides of the man to attract sympathy for themselves and lead to a programmed brainwashing of the children. Some go as far as poisoning the mind of the young ones with ill-gotten wealth from their young lovers. They make promises they cannot sustain, all to hoodwink the children and get them to accept their side of the story and consolidate the natural bond between mothers and children. The result is that their father is seen as a failure and complete nincompoop. But such women always forget that time usually reveals the truth.
Sadly, these actions break relationships and bonds in ways that become extremely difficult to rebuild. The terrible situation that results remains like that until such a time when the children would have grown up and perhaps learnt the truth for themselves from independent third parties and have also been able to see their mothers as they truly are, but by then it would be too late to reunite. Women, think before you act. When some women want to take certain actions, they do not think of the resultant effect, the implications and the outcome of such. They only look at one perspective, take the action immediately which will definitely bounce back and almost consume them. Some cases become so difficult to resolve because of dangerous steps taken especially when there was no window left open for reconciliation purposes.
Consider the case of Agnes John, who was doing quite well in network marketing. She became proud and arrogant, began to disdain her husband and got involved in extra-marital affairs with younger men, and in the process became infected with HIV (human immunodeficiency virus), but she did not know. As her marital relationship deteriorated, she resolved to abandon the marriage. She promised the children a trip to Canada to be sponsored by her younger sister. This was a ploy to hoodwink them to abandon their father and it worked perfectly well. Jubilant and salivating over the expected trip to Canada, they agreed to join her in the new abode. Soon after they began the process of obtaining Canadian visas. Agnes and the children were required to undergo comprehensive check at a specified hospital, to ascertain their health status. In filling her form, she stated that she had separated from her husband.
When the result of the medical check came out, the visa application was cancelled. The children could not understand why their visa effort failed. Their mother knew and kept sealed lips. The medical report showed that she was HIV-positive. It was for this reason that the embassy turned down their application because there would be no guide for the children when they emigrate to Canada. She poisoned the children’s mind as they cried and accused their father of being an evil and wicked person, who never wished them well. While she hid the real reason from the children, she began taking HIV medications and kept up the pretence. A few years later, her smart daughter in SS3 stumbled on a sealed document, read through it and discovered that her mother was HIV positive. She drew the attention of her other siblings who queried their mother strongly, and she poured out the truth. The children broke down in tears, rolling on the ground. The angry children called her names and described her as a lying and deceitful mother. Even her family was ashamed of her. All the children abandoned her and went back to their father.
Out in Port Harcourt, Julie Boromie who had five children with her husband, a diligent lawyer still on the road to success, strangely created a bad situation at home – clearly misled by another woman. One day she pursued her husband who was waiting at the bus stop, on the way to work. Without thinking, she created a very embarrassing and shameful scene. The marriage broke down completely. The husband moved out from that day and never returned. Julie lived with her children and thought her hubby would come back after a while. Barrister kept an open door for the children in his office, paid their school fees until they graduated and provided pocket money. Then after 10 years, Julie came to her senses after no other man had shown interest in marrying her. All she was good for, in their eyes, was the fun she provided. It was at this point that she remembered the husband of her youth; she recalled how they met; the birth of their first child, birthday celebrations; she looked at their family pictures, their quiet moments together, all the memories she threw away with a fling came flooding back into her mind. She shed tears. Julie began her search for the husband through her the same in-laws she had treated with disdain. She sought assistance in the search from friends, prayer groups, church members and former neighbours. While some blamed her decision and action, some mocked her foolishness and regret.
Again, I say, women think before you act. Do not be deceived by another person’s joy or income. Don’t be like Mary Mbangy who searched through her husband’s phone and saw a text message to a female university student. She drove to the university, to warn the husband’s side chick but ended up at the intensive care unit (ICU) of the university, teaching hospital after a bevy of ladies seized her phone and thoroughly beat her black and blue. Mrs. Claret Ninikanwa Bassey (Nee Opara) died while pursuing her husband and side chick in Calabar, Cross River State, recently – all because she did not think before acting.
It is not only in marital issues that women must think before they act, when life throws challenges at them. There are options of jobs to be considered, there are friends one does not need to keep, choosing a life partner, phases of career and relationships, financial status and joint accounts and lifestyle. However, decisions in marriage remain the most important because it is still a great institution which has either made women or marred them.
Dear Nigerian women, for whatever action you want to take, look before you leap, think before you take action, consult if necessary and look at it from diverse ways. Above all, prayerfully seek the counsel of the Most High and you will live without regret and avoid making yourself a cheap bowl for the village spit.