Marriage is a big step in anyone’s life and it is not a decision that should be taken lightly.
Getting married means you are committing yourself totally to a relationship with one person for the rest of your life.
This is why I get angry when nosy, busy body Nigerians hound ladies to go and get married. Is marriage a ticket to heaven? Why should a person’s life and achievements be measured by their marital status?
These people pressure these ladies so much that they get married to men they are not compatible with. They get married to men who treat them badly just to get the Mrs. Title.
The annoying thing is that when trouble starts, these same people will start chanting ‘Pray for him to change’ like it’s going out of fashion. If his mother couldn’t change him for over three decades, how will his wife change him, is she a magician?
Men and women should know that getting married for the wrong reasons is like courting trouble. People should get married for the right reasons and not because all their mates are married or they are being pressured to do so.
The right reasons to get married are that you love a person and you want to spend the rest of your life with them, but there are lots of reasons why people get married for the wrong reasons.
If you get married for the wrong reasons, you could find yourself living a loveless and very unhappy existence. You should avoid marrying someone for the wrong reason if you don’t want to resign yourself to a life of misery.
As a woman, the pressure to get married can become pretty intense when you realize that you are the only one left of all your circle of friends that is still single.
But you don’t have to jump into marriage because you are concerned that you are getting too old. You can marry at any age, so wait for the right man to come along before you make such a big commitment.
Getting pregnant for a man is not a right reason to get married. Ladies who trap men with pregnancy are making mistakes. A baby cannot keep a man who doesn’t want to be with you. You will end up living with a man whom you share nothing with except his child.
In some cases, these men feel trapped by pregnancies that they resort to marrying women pregnant for them, but they don’t love them enough to marry them.
Bringing up a child on your own can be tough, but it will be a lot tougher on the child if they are brought up in an unhappy marriage. The stigma attached to single motherhood in Nigeria is also one of the reasons many ladies end up in bad marriages.
If you get married to your partner because you don’t want to lose them, that is a wrong reason to be in a marriage. People stay together because they want to, not because they are forced to by a marriage certificate.
If either party is forcing the other into marriage, then that marriage is guaranteed to fail. If you are really not yet ready for marriage, let your partner know. If they love you, they will wait until the time is right so that you both can build a happy family together.
Young lady, don’t marry a man because he is rich. You have two hands plus a functional brain to boot, go and make your own money. Marriage is not a meal plan or an escape route out of poverty. Work hard for your own money before you get married.
Money is no replacement for a loving relationship, so don’t marry a guy just because of the size of his bank account. Money can make life easier and bring you lots of nice things, but it can also make life more complicated too.
The funny thing is that some people get married to spite their parents, or to get back at an ex. This is a selfish and foolish reason to get married. It won’t bring either you or your spouse happiness. Don’t go and complicate another person’s life with your baggage.
If you think marriage will make you whole, you need a rethink. You don’t need a wedding ring on your finger to be a complete person and, if anything, you need to be well rounded and whole person before you even think about getting married.
Despite what some romantic poems and some love songs might suggest, marriage isn’t the joining of two halves; it’s the partnership of two whole, happy individuals.
You have to know that marriage will not solve all your problems. Don’t get married because you are unhappy and think that marriage will instantly solve everything for you, because it’s also one of wrong reasons to get married.
Marriage comes with its own set of problems and challenges that you will have to face. Marriage, for the right reasons, is a wonderful experience, but if you marry for the wrong reasons, you could just make your problems a whole lot worse.
Whatever the reasons may be behind it, cultural or otherwise, no one should be forced to marry a person against their will. People should be allowed to make their marital choices themselves.
You should marry because you want to, you feel that is right for you, and because you love a person. Those are the things that will lay the foundations for a happy and long lasting marriage.
Re: MEN, TREAT YOUR WIVES WITH RESPECT
This is a tonic for every married men; old and young who want to be happy in their marriages. Respect is reciprocal. I am sure some evil men may still have negative comments on the above topic which is of immense value to all men married or single. Keep it up. God is on your side and He will reward you accordingly. -O.J. Segun – Ejigbo, Lagos
According to you, happy wives make happy marriages, but I will say good wives make happy marriages. A good woman and wife can easily win the heart and soul of any responsible man and have a good home. Also, no sane man can tolerate a stubborn, overbearing and recalcitrant woman. -Mr. Afolabi
I read the mixed reactions over your write ups. Some see it as bad but it makes sense to others. Your articles are like spice to successful marriages. Men respect your wives, is another wonderful counseling. -Apostle Chuks
Kate, Happy Easter in advance! By your diadem of writings, you are becoming one of the great universal relationship counselors. Every Saturday, concerned couples look towards your column for recipes on improving their marriages and relationships.
You are, as usual, in your real element this time as you teach us the essence of reciprocity of respect. Any man who disregards your wise counsels may be disappointed to realize that he is not as all-powerful as he assumes. God bless you real good. -Tony, Umuahia
I just finished reading your truthful but always one sided article. I love the points you analyzed there. My only anger with you is that you hardly balance the equation or talk against women. Does it mean that women are all saints and the men devils? Please don’t always be biased. -Okey Izuogu, Kano
Kate, this is another nice piece from your staples, more power to your elbow. Disrespect is a disregard for the emotional and mental feelings of one’s spouse in marriage or relationships.
For proper bonding in relationships, respect should be mutual. The cord of love is preserved and not broken when we empathize with our spouse on how they feel when we disrespect them via our actions and inactions. Respect begets respect. -Mike Mushin, Lagos
Kate you must understand there are two sides that make a coin. A successful relationship must be understood through a mutual truth and respect for the head. Then that will definitely breed reciprocity. -Gbadegesin Lawal
Kate, you are too much. I love the way you flip the script on these egoistic men who think that a woman came to this world to dance to their selfish tunes. I am happy there are still women like you who fight for women to be treated with respect. Your column is informative, hilarious, and point blank. I am your fan. Shake off the negative feedbacks. You are hitting the right cords hence the many negative reactions from some Nigerian men. -Peace Obi, Lagos
Kate, are you a Christian because your name sounds Arabic? It is against Biblical command for men to respect women. Women were created to serve and respect men and not the other way round. Men are to love women but not respect them. Stop twisting the Bible to suit your feminist agenda to destroy homes. -Obiajulu, Asaba
You are one funny writer. I have been reading you for a while and I enjoy the way you pass your message across with humour. But I don’t like it that you are partial because you support women and paint men as devils. Don’t you have a man in your life that has treated you well enough to change your hatred for men? I always wonder why you are so hard on men. Are you married? -Desmond, Aba
Kate, you are one of the best things that have happened to me in recent times. I am glad I discovered your column. You have changed my life and relationship with your words.
I don’t know why people are insulting you for exposing some of the terrible things that happen in relationships. You are a truth speaker and I am proud that you are not giving up on dishing out your relationship tonic weekly. Keep it up.
-Chris Muoka, Abuja