It was during one of the reunions/hang-outs this last Christmas among some known friends. Everyone present at the get-together was a comprehensive adult, some returned from ‘yonder’ and other cities within the country. It was a full surprised house with aahh, oohh, lala! Stories sprang up from different angles. Ladies talked about marriage, husbands, both good and bad, including raping husbands.
It was at this point that Carol, a sister and friend, confessed how her husband raped her and she became pregnant for their second child. Mike immediately snatched it from her and asked a question that threw her off balance: “So, do you regret the rape?”
Carol was not strong on her submission; she was obviously choking and tried to explain that her man needed her consent before pulling off her underwear. The discussion divided the beautiful gathering as all the women supported her position.
Recounting the experience, Carol, a surgical theatre nurse, narrated that she had come back home, tired and fatigued after standing for almost six hours because of three emergency surgeries at the Accident and Emergency (A&E) Unit of the hospital where she worked. Instead of closing at 2:00p.m as she was scheduled to, she supported the afternoon team of nurses given that she is a more experienced and qualified nurse at the A&E Unit. The extra time she put in made her get home late and very tired.
In all honesty, she desperately needed a rest. But being a woman who must balance her home and career, she managed to supervise and made sure the home front was completely in order before she retired to the bedroom. Carol finally moved to stretch out on the bed, where her husband was already lying down, not knowing the man was anxiously waiting for her. As she tried to adjust the duvet, her husband reached out for her. Carol was very cold and unresponsive. He was not deterred and moved closer to her. She knew the signs when her man wanted her, skin to skin. The signals intensified and Carol complained she was worn out and fatigued. Oga was not interested in that story. Carol was still dragging the duvet to cover herself when a stronger force tore it away and then had his way forcefully. She did not feel so good after he rolled off; rather she felt low like an orange violently sucked and cast aside. She felt that her husband had no respect for her feelings. She was withdrawn and kept interactions with her husband at a very minimal level henceforth.
After two days, Carol professionally tried to address the situation, but her husband said: “In the first place, that injection was what you needed to bounce back to a complete circle. You had a beautiful night rest; in fact, you should have seen yourself sleeping like a baby. If you had taken note, you woke up like a giant in the morning, and your blood system circulated very well. That is the blessing that comes from a forceful oil rig exploration. Don’t also forget that I am legally qualified for my action because I have all the necessary NAFDAC numbers to carry out the exploration when I want.”
Carol was still insisting that her privacy, consent and her tired body were not given any form of consideration. Carol said that her husband brushed aside her argument and blurted out that she could go on a revenge mission and rape him too whenever she wanted.
After her explanation, somebody asked: “Do you still regret that rape, just say yes or no?” Carol was almost choking while responding and it became obvious that the other men and women at the meeting strongly supported her husband, and they seemed to have the upper hand during that discussion because Carol became a proud mother for the second time after being “raped” by the husband. That rape was so good that it produced a child to behold. Another asked her. So, why did you keep the pregnancy knowing it came from rape if you were not interested? In fact, you should be proud of that rape.
Yes, sisters, you can rape your husband too. You can choose to do things differently in the New Year. You can choose to give him sexual surprise. Get bold and ‘rape’ your husband when you need it, even if he is screaming “NO” like the character in Michael Douglas played in the movie, Disclosure, that featured Demi Moore, who in one particular steamy scene she came on strongly on Michael’s character. Do not wait and die in silence. Whatever you discuss at girls hang-out, practice it and take a lead in your bedroom, do whatever that pleases you with him. Do not also forget that you have all credentials because your consent was sought for before that marriage was consummated; you are entitled to play with your man. Do not sit down and get jealous and drown yourself in suspicion and superstitious belief. Do not fantasize about what he does with much younger girls out there. Do not think you are old or fat while you praise him as a man who must compulsorily have his way. Do not forget you started out the journey together, to have and to hold from that day until death do you part. Do not wait until you are made a laughing stock; you are not doing it with a stranger, rather your husband. Age is just a number; your mindset must be worked on to feel young and great. Sisters in faith, there is nothing unholy about marital sex and its varied expressions as long as the bestial and unnatural practices are not involved. Go ahead, get an exciting intimacy experience with your husband. ‘Rape’ him and enjoy every second of it.
Interestingly, women who felt that they were raped by their husbands might not be serious because none of them has ever gone to court on this score. Sexual intercourse between a husband and his wife is not a matter that a person can sue on in court for judicial remedy. That is why what happens in the bedroom of a couple is nobody’s business. Come to think of it, how do you provide evidence, except in a clear case of domestic violence, which incidentally produces actionable evidence? Couples can rape each other in their privacy.
In this New Year, revive your relationship by doing things differently. Do not wait for anyone to direct you; you know where the mumu-button is, please go ahead and press it hard. Drop bad behaviour, sow seeds of love, enjoy nice times, take care of yourselves and do what is right. Desist from obscenity, which Dr Adelumola Ogunade of blessed memory, a University of Lagos Mass Communication lecturer described this way: “Obscenity has no definition, but when you see it, you know it.” Be positive in your approach; whatever makes one happy is a worthy cause. But in all, be your partner’s friend and remain so as you engage in ‘holy rape’ in the New Year!
Dear readers, this piece is not for ladies not legally married to a man. If you are just co-habiting with a man or stealing ‘show’ from the legally married wife, I want to repeat that this New Year advice is not for you. You are not to apply it until he has gone to accord your kinsmen appropriate traditional respect and obtained their consent to engage in ‘marital rape’ with you.