So some women have sex with men and when the relationship ends, they cry wolf and claim they have been used.
News flash: No one used anyone! As long as sex was consensual and the feeling was mutual, there was no usage. You received as much pleasure as you gave.
When you were writhing in pleasure, gyrating to the rhythm of the thrust, urging him to increase the intensity of his strokes, moaning at the expert “wilsoning” of your garden, inviting his fingers to foray in your lush wet garden, moaning in ecstasy and barking out orders to have your vegetation pillaged, plundered and rammed harder with an unforgiving turgid phallus, you didn’t feel used.
When you were swearing that he’s good and the best that happened to your sex life, you didn’t feel used. When you were offering yourself as a living sacrifice to be sacrificed on the altar of cataclysmic orgasm, you didn’t feel used.
When you were basking in the euphoria of the rapturous after sex feeling and cuddle, you didn’t feel used. But when the passion dissipates and the relationship packs up, you claim that you have been sexually used by the man.
That comment, “you have gotten what you wanted” irks me. The victim mentality just has to stop. You had fun; he had fun, get over it!
Whether you had sex on the first date or after hundred dates and the sex was consensual, you weren’t used. You got what you wanted as well and that’s satiation of a primal urge.
So if you must get sexually involved with a man, experiment all you want and get the most out of that experience. Be thoroughly satiated and be happy with your decision.
––Written by Lawrencia Chioma
Dear Nigerian men,
While I agree totally with the above, it is best you also stop boasting that you have slept with a girl. The fact that you had sex with her doesn’t in any way make you superior to her.
You both had sex, you both enjoyed it, don’t start acting up and telling whoever cares to listen that you used and dumped her––that’s pure narcissistic behaviour.
Do not promise a woman marriage all in a bid to have sex with her. An average Nigerian female is obsessed with marriage, that at the thought of it she lets her guards down and every form of defense comes crumbling.
It is what she dreams of, fasts about and prays about everyday because religion and society made it so. Taking advantage of her desperation to settle down to have sex with her will definitely make her feel used.
It is best you come clean, tell her you want an intimate relationship and let her know exactly what she’s getting into. I bet you some women have high libidos too, and they sometimes just want to get laid.
They don’t need to have bonds based on actual romantic feelings with you. Leading a girl on in the guise of marriage while she shuts out potential suitors doesn’t speak well of you.
In this clime, most women will never initiate sex even when their pant is on fire, some will show total lack of interest in sex even when the man is pushing for it. Others will insist you tell them your future plans before they agree to have sex.
Sex to them is like doing a man a favour. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to convince her to open up to you sexually, be it on the first day or several months later, do not act or behave like a jerk after having sex with a girl.
Don’t make it seem like all you wanted was sex, she would definitely feel used especially when she has invested so much emotionally.
Dear ladies, it really sucks when you are looking for something more substantial only to realize you are just his booty call. If you find out a guy led you on, the first step is leaving the relationship behind and moving on to a better relationship you deserve.
I know you will be tempted to give him a piece of your mind, but trust me it will be of no good to you. He’s a loser and a jerk, telling him he took advantage of you won’t change anything.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, a lot of women have been taken advantage of, so you are not alone. Just cut ties immediately before it gets harder.
It is really hard to tell where you stand with a guy in this social media age because it’s very easy to get a lot of attention from a guy who actually isn’t into you that much aside meeting and having sex. If sex happens and he starts acting up, it’s not the end of the world.
If you know you will feel awful after sex with a man and the relationship comes to an end, then it is best you close your legs and wait till you are pronounced man and wife.