A young lady is heartbroken because her boyfriend doesn’t care about her. According to this lady who is in her late twenties, she always ties her happiness to any man she is dating.
She said that she lacked fatherly love growing up, so automatically she looks to get that from the men she dates even though it doesn’t end well for her. These men sense her desperate need to be loved, cherished and protected, so they take advantage of her.
Right now, she is suffering because her current boyfriend is taking advantage of her fear of being alone. They are colleagues and he demands things from her without giving her anything in return. He feels entitled to her love, attention, body and gifts.
This guy knows that her weakness is not being able to say no to him and he exploits that to his advantage. He doesn’t respect this lady. He talks down at her and flirts with other women in her presence. He is only nice and sweet to you whenever he wants to beg her for a financial favour.
This young lady is at her wits end. She’s tired, frustrated and drained. She has lost her self esteem and doesn’t know how to untangle herself from the web of the user she got involved with. She comes to work most times with swollen eyes because she cries herself to sleep.
The sad thing about her story is that she is afraid of being alone. It scares her so much that she will have to spend time alone without having a man in her life. This is why she desperately tries to hold on to men who are not good for her even though it is killing her gradually.
She just wants to be loved, taken care of and treated with respect. According to what she said, this guy has told her many times that she is not in his plans. He makes plans for himself, his family and his future without including her even though she sees him in her future.
Even though she is ready to do anything for this guy, he treats her like crap. He keeps taking advantage of her affection and generosity. She knows she is being stupid by allowing this guy get away with the way he treats her but anytime he says sweet things to her, she forgets about everything else and stick to him again.
Recently, she bought him a shoe just to make him happy after he complained of having a bad day. The next day, they had a fight and he told her to take back the shoe she bought that he was just managing her. He started ignoring her and continued flirting with different women at work. He acts as if she doesn’t exist.
This young lady is heartbroken. She is down and almost out. She feels like her heart is being ripped out of her chest. She feels lost and abandoned because she has given so much to this relationship while the guy is having the time of his life by disrespecting her.
He didn’t tell her he was managing her when he borrows money from her. He didn’t say he was managing her when he invites his friends over to her house to eat and drink at weekends. He didn’t say he was merely tolerating her when he was asking for financial assistance.
Right now, going to work is pure torture for this lady. He doesn’t like running into him at work. Her heart feels a huge pang of pain whenever she sees him. She feels he took advantage of her need to be with a man and exploited her financially. She’s an unhappy woman.
This young lady is so sad. She knows she’s not perfect but she did everything within her power to make this relationship work and she is tired of begging him to choose her. She needs to get her confidence back. Her life needs a new meaning because she feels useless and irrelevant in this world.
She is asking why it is so hard to get a man who will love her and treat her life. She wants to know why it is hard for her to get a man who will appreciate her presence in his life. She is ending the year on a sad note and wants to get her life back together before she loses it completely. She wants to know how to heal and get back her self confidence.
She says she is merely existing and not living. When people see her, they tell her that she is beautiful and have everything working for her. They don’t know the pain she hides behind her smiles. She spends her nights with tears and just wants to be happy.
Sighs! After reading this young lady’s story, my heart broke. At first, I was numb. I didn’t know what to say. I became sad that she would allow a man treat her like that because she is afraid of being alone. I was angry that a man who didn’t love her took advantage of her good heart and exploited her vulnerability.
This is why I always tell young ladies not to put their happiness in a man’s hands. You will hurt yourself. Your happiness is your responsibility as a woman. If you are not happy with who you are, where you are in life and where you are going, you will end running after men who don’t care about you. They will abuse you because you are desperate to make the relationship work at all costs.
This young lady should stop giving herself, her love and resources to the wrong person. The first step to getting herself back is to start loving herself more than any man. She has to be selfish with her love if she wants to stop going into relationships with drainers and users.
She needs to take back the control of her life from this man. It won’t be easy but she needs to do this for herself. She needs to continuously tell herself that she is enough as a human being and stop giving too much of herself to others.
People should earn her affection, love, loyalty, trust and attention. There is no need for a woman to die trying to keep an unwilling man. No man is worth dying for. A woman is a complete being and she doesn’t have to put up with a wicked and heartless man just to be in relationships.
I hope young ladies listen and stop giving men the power to determine the outcome of their lives. One of the most heartbreaking things you can do to yourself as a woman is to give a man the power to determine your happiness.
The day a woman realizes that she deserves the best is the day she will stop giving her power to the wrong men. A woman has to choose herself before a man will choose her.
It is the way you treat yourself as a woman that a man will emulate. If you present yourself as a play thing, he will play with you. If you come into a relationship with self love and loads of positive self esteem, he will have no choice but to treat you with respect.
Ladies, stop allowing a man’s attention and affection validate your existence. You don’t have to fear being alone. It is not the worst thing that can happen to you as a woman. The worst thing that can happen to you is being in a loveless relationship where you are being taken for granted and treated like crap.
Re: Love affairs some married women enjoy these days
Kate, you got me there with your deceptive headline. I wanted to lash out at you for promoting promiscuity in married women but after reading your piece, I started laughing like a mad man. Thank you for that hilarious piece. I agree with you. These affairs married women enjoy make their marriages more peaceful. You are a good writer.
-John, Lagos
Kate, you are a versatile and prolific writer, and Queen of the pen profession. Your last piece was thought provoking, real and instructive. As always, you are conversant with relationship issues. Your views on marriage issues are plain, straightforward and unbiased.
It is not strange to see cruel critics on a mission to frustrate you. Thank God for your resolve to be unmovable.
-Pst. Stephen, Abuja
I don’t blame an idiot like you, but the Sun Newspaper for giving you the chance to write this nonsense you write weekly. Maybe you met an idiot who had sex with you and dumped you but whose fault is it?
-Elizabeth Abdulraheem Muhammad, Sokoto
People with low ebbed of intellectualism cannot understand your theory, not everyone that sits in a class can assimilate the lectures. You are like a fortune teller, you are just speaking from the spiritual and what you are saying happens.
-Mgbadike Odinka
Having affairs with mundane things of life with her personal income might not be a cause of worry to me but trading her body for it is not allowed.
-Sunny, Calabar
Your article would have made much meaning if you were married. As a lady, you do not possess the moral right or otherwise to indulge in marriage issues. Get dully married, stay in it and let’s see if you can come out and say this again. Kate, concern yourself with issues that have to do with people like you.
-Francis
So men should steal to support the “love affairs” of their wives. So people like me who receive counted money should find somebody to kidnap for ransom. If the police catch me after getting the ransom, all the symbols of the love affairs will be seized. Kate, have mercy on people like me now.
-Enyeribe Ejiogu, Lagos
Promiscuity on married women’s part will destroy the sanctity the marriage. You don’t have to promote it. Women should have eyes only for their husbands. This is how God made it.
-Anthony